Started by GuardianTalk at 11:17am Nov 15, 2002 GMT

With news that actors in US sitcoms and drama series are speaking more words a minute than ever before in a bid to make their characters appear more intelligentand appeal to younger viewers, how do you think you could appear more intelligent?

Speed thrills, say American TV producers http://media.guardian.co.uk/broadcast/story/0,7493,840322,00.html

If you are intelligent, it's fairly easy to pretend to be thick. On the other hand, if you're thick, it's a pretty hopeless undertaking to attempt to appear intelligent for more than a few seconds. You might manage to fool someone even less intelligent than yourself for a while, or somebody really stupid for a long time, but you won't fool anyone much brighter than yourself.

it depends if your salary depends on it, on the other hand...

talks from experience!

Apple If they were fooled, they were less intelligent than you. Don't tell me they fooled you about that?

I maintained a reputation as a computer expert amongst people who knew even less about computers than I did by throwing the sentence, 'Windows isn't a program, it's an environment,' casually into conversations.

Oh, I'm very naive, cos. Plus I'm not very attentive. And not too bothered to be honest.

Boil up two or three bushels of deadly nightshade in about 20 pints of water. The exact measures don't matter. Leave it simmering for a couple of hours, then let it cool. Now, drink it ALL.

When you pass out, arrange for it to be somewhere where, when you come round, the first thing you see is a large, previously-prepared notice saying "YOU HAVE TAKEN AN INTELLIGENCE POTION. YOUR BRAIN IS FUNCTIONING AT 3,000%".

Bingo.

Try to stay away from anybody who might recognise you, though.

Have you tried over-clocking your CPU?

how do you think you could appear more intelligent?

Log off GU?

Listen to Mozart or Bach. Apparently, it (momentarily) improves your IQ.

You could start by thinking very hard about things. Unfamiliar advice for Guardian readers, I know, but be brave.

Morning Apple.

Meanness isnt a demonstration of intelligence, generally speaking.

morning James.

"meanness"

Who, me?

Quite true. But you're always going to be more effectively mean if you have it.

Carry a few highbrow books around with you, preferably in a foreign language.

Plus newspapers. TLS, El Pais, Suddeutsche Zeitung and Le Monde Diplomatique.

James I don't recommend you take your own advice. It's better to change down a gear than open the throttle wide at low revs when you've only got a small engine.

My advice to you, coshipi, is to spend some time coming up with better metaphors.

Thank you very much for your kind advice, James. I shall give it the consideration it deserves.

are we going to have a rhetorical match?

sits back with popcorn and glass of south african red wine, for effect

AppleCatcher Nah, can't be bothered. Sorry.

The floor's all yours, James.

It always was, dear boy.

Well start sweeping then, old chap.

<looks down from a great height at James, grovelling on the floor>

Ah!

La releve!

... 'how to appear' more intelligent without it necessarily being the case ... everyone is busy trying to do that !!! funny thing I never associated speed with intelligence ... seems the quicker you talk the less time there is for trying to find out what is being said ... but then in the age of 'communication' that is no longer what we really want ...

wear glasses and talk posh like

Be on the periphery of conversations and simply make the occasional "hmmph" and smile to yourself. Carry around books on chess, or books with titles like "A tour of The Calculus". Learn some obscure Latin phrases. Then go up to someone who's stuggling with a problem and say something like "Qui patitur vincit!" breezily. Be seen listening to Bach with your eyes closed. Learn to say a few words in half a dozen languages. Use words like "calumny", "mordant", "jejune", "weltanschauung", "rubric" and "internecine" and use them wherever possible. Leave MENSA application literature lying around in you home.

there's a different between looking intelligent and looking geeky.

Learning to tie your own shoelaces is always a help.